Amy & You & Me.

News of Amy Winehouse's death gave me pause.  I was saddened, but not shocked by it.  I was really hoping that she would come out on top - kicking addiction's butt, serving as inspiration to millions who have had a front-row seat to her very public slugfest with this ape on her back.  And of course, I waited with bated breath to hear what new music would come out of  her journey.

I thought about blogging, and posting my favorite song of hers ("Love Is A Losing Game" Rhodes Version), but everytime I sat down to write, I felt like I should just wait... for what, I didn't know.

Then yesterday, while listening to NPR, I heard an interview with Jonathan Winters, who briefly touched on his personal experience of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder during a time when little was known about the condition, and the few treatment options available were potentially worse than the illness itself.  Doctors offered him electro-shock therapy, in order to erase the pain that he was feeling.  He declined the treatment, saying "I need that pain to call upon from time to time."  Like choosing between scylla and charybdis.  Pick your poison: The devil, or the deep blue sea?  Artists often have to do this.

And I understood.  And I thought of young Amy, her unique voice, and lyrics that revealed a wisdom far beyond her years.  Perhaps the very thing that made her such a phenom at her craft was the very thing that drove her addiction.  Perhaps she saw things more sharply than most people allow themselves to, and needed to dull the edges a bit.   Perhaps she got stuck there.  Perhaps.  I really don't know.

And the fame.  What do you do with the fame, when all you wanted to do was sing?  To act?  To write?

As artists, our emotional understanding is our lifeline.  If you mess with it, you mess with the art.  I stopped taking anti-anxiety meds for just that reason.  But if you don't mess with it, your sensitivity meets lots of sharp edges and you end up with scrapes and bruises - some which are quite serious.  What to do, what to do?

Some people dismissed Amy as "just a junkie," and wondered (aloud and in various media) "Why do celebrities do drugs, anyway??"  I think they do drugs for the reason that anybody does drugs:  it takes the edge off, and, depending on the drug and the setting, it can be fun.  Same goes for alcohol, food, prescription medication, shopping, gambling... pick your poison: life, with the certainty of death, or life-lite with the possibility of early death.  Mr. Winters chose the former, Ms. Winehouse chose the latter.  We all make our decisions.

I would never advocate that people not get medical help when they need it, or not intervene when they see someone who is unable to do so for him- or herself.  I do believe that the vast majority of human beings self-medicate in some way, and tend to point an accusing finger at people who self-medicate by different means.  Let's not do that.  Let's try a little compassion.  There, but for the grace of God, go I.  And you too.

Amy:  Just one more time, please?

--Nicole

In Praise of Slowness.

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste... 

Nature abhors a vacuum.  When a sealed space is opened, whatever surrounds it will rush in:  air, water... thoughts, sounds, people.  Whatever.  Even the unnatural rushes to fill what it perceives to be a void.

"Buy now."  "Offer only available for a limited time."  "You snooze, you lose."   We rush around, determined to be "the first," worried that we will miss our window.  While genuine emergencies do warrant immediate action, unless you are a paramedic, a surgeon, or answering phones at a suicide prevention center, most of the situations that you face on a day-today basis are not really as urgent as they pretend to be.  Important and urgent are not the same thing.

When everything is treated as if it is urgent, there is no time to really reflect and glean insight and value from anything.  So what do you stand to gain from this inflation of urgency?  Maybe money.  Perhaps status.  Possibly possessions.  What do you stand to lose?  Yourself.

When we are listening to the many voices that are clamoring for our attention, the sound of our own can get drowned out.  So we go, do, buy, think, and react (quickly, please) without fully investigating our feelings.

...and remember what peace there may be in silence. *

Slow down.  Sometimes, even be stock-still for as long as it takes to hear what your gut is telling you, and how passionately it speaks when not fighting for airtime.  Give it the time that it needs to inform you of all that you really need to know (it will).  Then, you can go, do, buy, think, and react based on your own convictions.

You won't be the quickest, you probably won't be the first to cross the finish line, and you may miss someone else's "window."  Just breathe.  And trust  that you are exactly where you need to be in order to do what you are supposed to be doing.

And then do it.

--Nicole

*The full text of "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann may be found HERE.

10 Things That Acting Has Taught Me About Life. (Pt. II - The List)

I received a complaint about not having posted this list on Friday, when I wrote Part I.  I didn't intend to be misleading in any way, in fact, I hadn't intended for this to be a 2-part post.  But here we are.  Thank you for flowing with it.  And now, without any further ado (drumroll, please):

10 THINGS THAT ACTING HAS TAUGHT ME ABOUT LIFE

10 Things That Acting Has Taught Me About Life. (Pt. I)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
If I had to choose the one thing that has affected me most profoundly in my life, it would be my two-year actors' training program at The Meisner Center.  I learned a lot about the importance of being honest, and to be truthful without allowing ego to direct traffic.  Am I perfect at it?  Um... NO!  But now I am actually aware of the motivations behind various actions or words, so I know when I'm going off the rails, and how to get back to "honest."  It's also easier for me to see when other people have fallen off the track, and either pass without judgement (I'm still working on that part), or help them get back on.

Acting requires honesty.  It's not about putting on, it's about stripping down.  It's about asking "What is the truth of THIS moment?" moment-by-moment, and reacting to that truth without filter or censor.  Once I learned that, it made me ask why we don't live this way ALL the time?  Telling the truth from the heart, and not from ego - using "keepin' it real,"  as an excuse to say ugly things about one another.  Why don't we live this way?

I think fear keeps us bound.  Fear that someone else's freedom is going to make our freedom less valuable.  Fear of 'not having enough' (scarcity thinking) keeps us competing against one another instead of cooperating.  Fear that growth will require too much change from us keeps us curled up in the corner of our lives, not daring to venture into the wide open spaces not yet examined.

Yeah, I learned all of that from acting class.

There were students as young as 19, and as old as 64 in my class.  I thought it was pretty cool that the young'uns were open to receive that type of instruction (my ego wouldn't have allowed it at 19), and the older people (well, person) was still open to instruction.  We all wanted to learn to be better actors, and in the process, I believe we all became better people.  Meisner's premise?

"Acting is the ability to live truthfully under the given imaginary circumstances."

If you don't know how to live truthfully in your off-camera (or offstage) life, how are you going to be able to find it when the spotlight is on?  You can fake it, and  might even build a high-profile, lucrative career on faking it, but is that what you want?  Are you an artist or an aspiring celebrity?

Alrighty, then.  I thought I was going to post the top 10 things and keep it moving.  Had no idea that my intro would become its own blog post, but here we are, so...

I'll be posting my top 10 things separately.  May let this post settle in for a day or two first, though. ;o)

Happy Friday!

--Nicole

Updated 7/18/11 - Part II of this post (the LIST) can be found here: http://wp.me/p1BXyc-EQ

Rise Above Your Raisin'

"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." -- Sir Isaac Newton

Are You Free?

Right now, the USA is celebrating Independence Day.  On the radio today, I heard someone reciting the lyrics to the song "God Bless the USA," and after hearing the line "I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free," I started thinking about freedom, and what it really means.  I also asked myself whether or not I'm really as free as I assume that I am - not as an American, but as a human being.

I looked up the definition of "freedom" and found the following definition:

1. The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

The old standby arguments came to mind first:  "I can't yell "Fire!" in a crowded movie theatre."  "I can't raid bank vaults."  I must not really be totally free.

But after turning it over in my head a few more times, I realized that I actually CAN do those things... I just have to want to do them enough to be willing to subject myself to the consequences.  And I don't.  Most of us don't.

However, each of us has things that we feel compelled to do despite the hefty price tag.  For some, it's refusing to remain silent when speaking out is going to make us very unpopular (to say the least).  For others, it's leaving the (real or perceived) comfort of our long-time job, home, or town to reach for the mere possibility of something greater.  Still others make sacrifices for the comfort and care of loved ones who are unable to care for themselves.

There is no way to be free without opening your mind, opening your heart, and opening your hands.  When you are open, things leave you, but new things come to you.  To me, freedom is this: knowing that at any given moment, as long as there is breath in your body, you can choose which road to take.  You can choose to advance, or to stand down.  Freedom is not simply the ability to act, it is the ability to choose which course of action  or non-action to take at a particular time.  And, to use a Dr. Phil quote that I LOVE: "When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequence."

Freedom comes from within.  Former South African president, Nelson Mandela was held in a 16 sq. ft. cell (5 sq. meters) for 27 years.  His body was imprisoned, but because his heart and mind remained free, he was able to choose his course of action.  In doing so, he started a chain of events that began the healing of a nation that had long been divided.

Freedom = choice, and choice= power.  Even when you feel small, you are POWERFUL.

How will you use your power today?  And what are you willing to sacrifice in order to be free?

I'd love to hear what you have to say.

--Nicole